friday funnies

I feel like this week has been a month long and am very, very happy to welcome a 3 day weekend! Seriously, so excited about that. The video below is sure to brighten your day, it’s hilarious. Obvi. I tweeted it this past weekend but then I realized that not all of you follow me on twitter and ‘twould be a shame for you to miss out on this gem. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

beyonce: to be or not to be

Did you hear that Beyoncé lip-synched the National Anthem at the President’s inauguration? I, for one, was full of shock, awe and overall disgust that quickly turned into resentment, then hatred and then I was sobbing uncontrollably at my desk. Oh wait, no I wasn’t. I actually was not shocked in the least to hear about this. And how could anyone be? Is this not like SOP (standard operating procedure) for these people?

beyonce | via http://withach.comvia

In case any of you actually wanted my opinion on the matter, I’ll give it to you. I assume since you’re still reading this you either think I’m full of it or know I’m always right. Either way, glad you’re here. Moving on…

Is anyone NOT still pissed off about all the Destiny’s Child drama? I know I am. These are wounds that not even time can heal. Honestly, I could not care less if she lip-synched, has a pet leprechaun or is actually a man. What I do care about is knowing if you can pay my bills, my telephone bills and then maybe we can chill. That’s what is on my mind. Every time I see Beyoncé, this is what I think of. Quite frankly, she broke my heart and Kelly Rowland’s also. We won’t ever forgive her. Ever.

buckwild.

I went back and forth on this a lot. Not about posting about it, but about watching it. As you know, I have a precious number of brain cells left and I would really love to keep them. But my brain cells be damned, because I can’t…stop…watching.

buckwild

The show is unlike anything I’ve seen happening concurrently. Okay, that’s a lie. I did do a short sentence at a college in Central Virginia and I feel like many of those students would have been similar to these kids if not for one glaring difference, all the kids in Central Virginia were Baptists. You can insert your gasps here and I will talk more on this topic at a later date.

But I digress, people, they put on music at their “rager” by putting a C.D. into a boombox. No, I am not making this up. It is real talk and it is 100% documented. Watch the first episode and see for yourself.

Honestly, I could write a novella about the first, second and third episodes but because it’s Monday and I’m not that inconsiderate I’ll hit you with a few reasons why I think this show will, in fact, make me dumber. They include, but are not limited to:

  • A member of the cast has an iPhone 3G
  • They did body shots at a party…in their own house
  • “She’s got a brain on her shoulders” instead of “She’s got a head on her shoulders”
  • Shain (not Shane) runs errands in the Holler (his neighborhood) on a 4wheeler
  • Again, they have a C.D. player
  • Also go to a club called Karma
  • Morgantown, WV is a big city
  • During the first episode people are already having sex….in the beds of other cast mates

The moral of the story is that if you love trashy reality television, you hit the jackpot.

(image from here)

my new hero.

I have confessed my hatred for America’s Whore Sweetheart before so I don’t feel the need to do it again. However, because of said whore, my new hero is born.

Do we all remember Eminem’s daughter Hailie Jade? Well, homegirl grew up and she’s a girl after my own heart. Own heart, I say!

My heart skipped a beat with this tweet. Someone had to say it, am I right? How does that taste, Taylor? Not good? Does it feel good to get called out as a skankopotomus on twitter? Because honestly, I’m not sure if I could have said it better myself. Suffice it to say, I think Hailie might very well be my new best friend.

And even though the song may be catchy, it’s no “Lose Yourself” by Eminem or even “Call me Maybe” and dare I say that it’s no “Party in the USA”? Oh, I dare to. Because like, it’s just so exhausting.

Maybe more than that, she cannot stop whoring around. Was she not just dating that high schooler (the Kennedy) and now she’s onto a One Direction member? Taylor, you’re kind of a slut. You aren’t fooling anyone with that red lipstick, you harlot.

I yearn for the days that she sang Tim McGraw and had no boyfriends. Unfortunately, she seems to be bouncing back from relationships faster than Kim Kardashian and that is just not okay.

Since you LOVE hot chocolate you should go check out my DIY Christmas gift