I’m bilingual, didn’t you know?
Today is my Momma’s birthday but I won’t tell you how old she is because she would more than likely get on a plane and kick my ass right proper. Or disinherit me, whichever was more convenient.
Mom, I hope you love your gift card and put it towards something you really love that we both know I cannot afford.
For all curious, yes, that baby who looks like a little boy is yours truly. I had a faux hawk before it was a thing. Look at me, setting trends in 1985. I think I had more hair, but it all fell out so we were working on the re-growing of my fabulous mane that I now call mine today.