If you’re reading this and you have yet to read this post, please do that first and then the title of this will make a bit more sense. Thank you.
I have had more than a few people IRL and via email ask me how to buy a house online. Or if it is real life. Or what the hell is wrong with us. In fact, people at work call it the “eBay house”. No, we did not buy it on eBay. However, a coworker of mine did buy a house on Craiglist apparently. So there’s that. Welcome to 2015! Back to how to buy a house online…
Below are the things you will need to make this happen:
- Complete and utter disregard for what you think buying a house should be like
- All of the money in the world (note: we do not have this so I will let you know how it works out)
- Cool as a cucumber attitude (or a good mix of Lexapro + Xanax)
Please note, after
having gone going through this process, the three items above are listed on personal experience. I basically fell ass-backwards into this entire thing. I do not recommend that. At all. Ever. (see: #2)
By now you’re probably thinking “okay Christin, how the eff do you buy a house online. Just tell me!” and I’m like “hold your damn horses, I’m about to tell you”. To make this easier, and ensure I don’t ramble on and on, I’m going to follow the list format. So here it goes:
- Troll the MLS (you’ll need the help of a realtor) or look at sites like auction.com (not eBay)
- Once you find a house you like, you can drive by it unlimited times but you likely can never, ever go inside (see: #2 + #3 above)
- Think about committing felony B+E to see inside said home
- Participate in online auction by bidding against other people
- Win action and wire money to auction.com (not all of it, just some earnest money)
- When the auction company sends you the paperwork, find an attorney that costs a ton of money (like we did) to review all the legalese to make sure you aren’t getting completely screwed
- Sign paperwork and feel sick
- Wait approximately 3 months for closing due to liens on house, etc.
- Get a lot of cash (rob a bank, whatever) because you have to pay in cash for an auction house. Yes, just like on those TV shows.
- Meanwhile, you go make friends with the neighbors across the street who are so nice and let you go inside their house. While you’re there, get the scoop on the people who used to live in your house. Spoiler alert: even though they’ve been foreclosed on, they still “live” there!
- Immediately get insurance since you have “tenants”
- Send boyfriend to house to talk to said “tenants” and pray that they simply leave and you don’t have to evict them
- Cue three longest weeks of your life
- Congratulations! You’ve bought a house online! Since it looks like the inside of an episode of Hoarders, you won’t go inside for a week or so but when you do, you see how much potential your new home has and start pinning a ton.
Are there any questions?