I struggled with whether or not to tell you all about this but something keeps telling me I should, so I’ll just get on with it. Last Thursday, I found out that I need to have open heart surgery. Well, another open heart surgery. I had my first one when I was three months old and my parents were told that my future wouldn’t be so bright. Thankfully, the doctors were very wrong then.
They told us that I’d need another surgery at some point but talking about it in the future tense as a thing that’s years and years away, and being told you’re going to do it in a few months are two strikingly different things. Obviously, hearing “you need surgery” is never a fun thing. It’s even less fun when you start thinking about all the things that they’re actually going to do to you. That you’ll be in the hospital, that there will be a lot of machines and tubes and nurses and doctors. And then you start to cry, because you’re paralyzed by fear and worry. You start looking back and seeing signs you should have noticed before and symptoms that were obvious, but you didn’t know and you blame yourself.
But when you’re surrounded by family + friends that love you a lot, it makes it better. Being “sick” is one of the most isolating feelings ever because everyone wants to help but you just feel alone and lonely, even when you aren’t alone. Needless to say, we’ve been dealing with a a lot these past few days.
I’m going to try not to let my heart come between me + this blog, but I’m a realist and it might happen and it’s probably inevitable. I’m sure I’ll have my good days and bad and just won’t feel like blogging or pretending to feel a way that I don’t and I hope you’ll appreciate that. I also hope you all know that I’m not writing this for pity or attention, because I’m not the person that whines about being sick (to anyone other than my boyfriend). This isn’t a cry for help or attention, it’s just a new part of my life that I’ll be dealing with for the months to come.
Christin, thank you for helping me put shit in perspective. While I’ve been endlessly complaining about being injured and on crutches…it’s not freaking surgery. I hope you’re able to stop blaming yourself. You’re strong and brave; be so proud of that.
And please…don’t even worry about the blog! Take care of yourself (which I know you will).
you are amazing. I am so glad you shared this today. It puts so much of life in perspective and i am grateful for you, the person you are, your friendship, and your blog. Sending tons of good thoughts your way.
You are brave to share it and I have no doubt you’ll be brave going into it. I’ll be praying for you for that, as well as for the surgeons, your recovery, and that your heart will be like new after this. Sending you so much love.
Christin thank you so much for sharing this with us so we can be there for you over this time. I know you are going to rock this surgery and just know you have the best support system. We love you.
xoxo
i don’t really “know” you, but i have this idea in my mind that you, my dear, are incredibly strong. sending you so much love!!
Christin, I’m so sorry to hear this – it must be a terrifying thing to think about. Take care of yourself, let yourself be taken care of, and take in the love!
I am 100% confident that you will own this surgery and come back better than ever! And obvi you know that you have friends thinking about you all over the place! xx
Me lub you long time.
Appropriate? I don’t give a fuck. I love you.
I think it’s important that you let everyone know- you will have so many good thoughts and prayers now from all of us!
I wish you tons of strength and courage! You can do this lady! You are strong and absolutely awesome!! We all will be thinking about you and throwing you great and positive vibes!
Will definitely be sending great thoughts and prayers your way Christin! It looks like you have an amazing support system 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I know this must be very difficult, but let others take care of you, stay strong and positive and take care of yourself. Everything will be alright, I know family can be a big support system 🙂
-Vogue&Heels
http://www.vogueandheels.com
That has to be so scary for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this but I appreciate your honesty – seriously, it couldn’t have been easy to reveal all that but now you have tons of people out in the world thinking positive thoughts about you! If you feel comfortable, please keep us posted.
i am so proud of you. this is very well said. you have so many people around you [me included!!] that are there to support you. and since i’ll be in NYC when this is going down i will be there to bring you ice cream and popsicles. because those things are the best when you are sick.
Friend,
Hang in there. I know what you’re about to go through is really scary, but you’re strong (and extremely awesome!) and you will get through it. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
Wishing you a very speedy recovery!
xo
So sad to hear about this Christin! But you’re a rockstar, you will power through, and that strong body of yours will come out bigger and better than before!
Aww, so sad to hear this!!! But know you will bounce back and power through like no other. You’re the best, remember that! XO
I’m so private like you are Christin (that sounds ridiculous since I don’t know you IRL.) I know sharing this was probably really difficult….but I hope you find relief and a sense of community by doing so. You’re so brave for sharing this and I know that bravery will help get you through this confusing and tough time. You’re in my thoughts and prayers! Hang in there!
My thoughts are with you Christin. I am completely a wreck when it comes to hospital stays and I tend to over-worry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but I’m glad they are taking care of this and just know that you and your heart are going to go right back to being wonderfully snarky right here on the blog! 🙂 Hugs!
So proud of you for sharing this difficult situation with your readers. I wish you the speediest of recoveries and hope you feel stronger & better than ever before. You are amazing – xo
I am so sorry to hear this news.Thank you for opening up to your readers. Sending positive thoughts your way! Best of luck.
Xo
http://www.andwithlovea.blogspot.com
C, so so sorry that you have to undergo surgery! Don’t worry about us blog folk – we’ll be waiting for more popcorn recipes, awesome hair tutorials, and general wit once you’re ready to come back. And if you need a popcorn delivery yourself, you know who to call 🙂
I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you! I don’t even know if I could have told anyone about this! I was really really sick last summer and just told people I had the flu so they wouldn’t smother me with attention and questions. I hope you can continue to blog, I know a lot of people really enjoy hearing what you have to say–even if you are grumpy and having a bad day! I’m sure you will come back even stronger with that wolf heart of yours!
I admire you so much for sharing this. I am going through some health stuff too that is taking me away from the blog, and while it’s not anywhere near what you’re going through, what you wrote just puts it all into perspective. I hope that everything goes smoothly with your surgery and will be praying for a speedy recovery for you! Hugs to you!
Pretty sure the power of positivity is scientifically proven to help people heal faster…all your readers will be wishing you SO much love, so you should be all put back together before you even go in! Concentrate on whatever makes you feel greatest, and don’t worry at all about blog stuff. We’ll be here whenever you get back!
Wow…wishing you strength and healing, and major props for sharing this with the world. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to lean on people and ask for help. Thoughts and prayers are with you!
You are so brave to discussed this so openly and frankly. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll work through this, and I’ll be thinking of you. I hope everything goes well with your surgery–you should be immensely proud of your resilience and courage!
Thinking about you – I know you’ll be strong and you have more support than you know!
sending nothing but love, strength, and good vibes your way xoxo
I’m SO sorry to hear you have to have another heart surgery 🙁 Hang in there girl, you are a strong, brave woman and you’ll fight through.
Just know were all thinking of you 🙂
Christin, I’m wishing you a speedy recovery from your upcoming surgery. Try not to beat yourself up about “no seeing the signs” we live in a very fast paced society and sometimes don’t take enough time for ourselves or listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us. Try and be as rested and relaxed (as you can be) before heading into the surgery, and let the nurses do the worrying when you are in the hospital, that’s what we are there for after all! This is coming from a cardiac nurse so trust me, if we aren’t worried, you shouldn’t be either, and the more questions the better, ask any health care professional anything, again that’s what they are there for!
Take care and speedy recovery!
I can’t even imagine how terrifying the situation must be but if there’s anyone with the strength, courage, and attitude to handle it like a champ, it’s you. Sending lots of love and positive vibes to you, my dear. 🙂
i can’t imagine how scary that must be- you are one brave woman to share that! you are so right about being sick being one of the lonliest things- since no one can really help much ,no matter how much they want to. so glad you have your boyfriend for nearby love & support- but you have virtual hugs from me in Wisconsin!! Best of luck to you pretty lady, I’ll be thinkin of you!
thank you for sharing! i am so sorry that you have to go through this and i can’t imagine what you are going through right now. but i do know that you are totally badass and will kick this surgery’s ass. sending every kind of good vibes and wishes from california.
As we have talked about before, we have similar hear problems. Every year when I go to my cardiologist and she tells me “yeah one day you may have to get your valve replaced…and have chilrden earlier rather than later bc you will already be a high risk pregnancy..” I leave crying so scared with my optimistic mom who is saying you don’t know if you will need it yet….but I just have this feeling. I am sorry you have to go through this, and hope and know that it will all go well. Kick its ass with a Ch.
I’m so sorry to hear that. You are very brave to share all with us. I hope everything goes well and you have a quick recovery.
You know that if you get sick of your doctors, I will totally put on my white coat and flash a badge and smuggle you some whiskey or M&Ms or something. I’m definitely not a heart surgeon, but I’m pretty awesome at chest tubes and central lines. I use all the extra Lidocaine.
This is how much i love you. So ya know…call me.
Gosh I cannot imagine how this must feel. You are incredibly strong and brave. Wishing you the VERY VERY best
xo,
nancy
Oh nooooo. I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine how scary that is. Keep us all updated when the time comes (and if you feel like it, of course.) Wishing you the best & I’ll be thinking about you every day!
Sending you lots of love for a successful surgery and speedy recovery! Thanks for sharing this. In my thoughts and prayers. Keep smiling!
xoxo
Jaclyn
Wow. Open heart surgery? That’s crazy, but the way you shared this was so brave and strong of you. Also, I’ve never commented before, but have been reading for some time. I hope you know that you’ve got a great community of readers and that we’ll all be thinking about you. Obviously you’re a tough/smart/strong girl, and you’ll be just fine. Plus, anytime your boyfriend does something you don’t like tell him he’d better be sweet cuz he’ll break your heart. Laughter is always helpful in times of worry!
Sending you healing vibes for your surgery & recovery. We’ll be here whenever you feel up to blogging again. No rush at all!
I know that you’re going to do great and recover pretty fast, you are strong! When is it scheduled for? Try and don’t stress about it in the meantime (i know is not easy!) because that’s not going to help at all, when I was pregnant the whole delivery freaked me out like you have no idea, so I just blocked that thought and dealt with whatever I did on that day 😉
I’ll be thinking of you!
Best of luck in surgery and recovery! We’ll be wishing you well every step of the way 🙂
I am not sure why us lady bloggers feel like sharing things that are not pretty/personal/related to illness will make us look like we are downers or looking for pity. I know I have thought the same thing. I can tell you, that when I read this post, that was the last thing that I would have ever thought! I appreciate you sharing. I have had several surgeries in the past few years, but none as daunting as open heart surgery. Based on your surgery when you were younger, it sounds like you are a trooper and a fighter. You are just fantastic and I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my heart. xoxo
Brave of your to share this. Sending lots of good energy and prayers your way!!\
Stella + Charlie
oh, I am so sorry. I know that you are in no way doing this for attention and thank you so much for sharing your life with us. You are such an inspiration of honesty and truth and I appreciate it in your every day posts and your personal, life altering posts like this one. I will be praying for you and your transplant. I hope it is smooth and as easy as something as difficult as open heart surgery can be. much love from this little side of the blog world.
Sending you a big, big hug!! I know we’ve just recently connected but I admire you for sharing this with us. We’re all thinking about you and wanting nothing but the best. xoxo
I can’t believe I took a break from things yesterday, and this is the post I missed! I think we all appreciate that you’re able to share this with us, and the collective positive thoughts can only help. xo!
🙁 you will be in my thoughts and prayers! you seem like a strong girl so i bet you will be fine!
I’m so sorry to hear this! My boyfriend is actually going through the exact same thing with his heart and will be having open heart surgery later this year as well. The timing never works out and it’s just so frustrating to have to put your life on hold for something like this. You’ll be in my thoughts! <3
I’m so sorry to hear that you have to have surgery. My real job is a physician assistant in an emergency department, so I’m empathetic to your situation. I had to have surgery myself last summer (not my heart) and I know its hard. Its amazing how positive thinking + having those around you that love you make a ridiculously amazing difference. You have an amazing attitude which already puts you really ahead of the game. Your blog is the bomb and you have tons of readers who support you, including me (duh). Please reach out if you need anything.
-Becky
The Pumpkin Spot
Thinking of you and praying everything will be ok. I know its not the same but Ive just been told Im having my 5th stomach operation and each time it gets no easier, been on a waiting list for months and not bothered by it but the minute they gave me a date the fear set in!! I really hope youll be ok and will continue to follow your blog even if there isnt a post for months as I really enjoy it!!
http://www.eatplaydreamlive.blogspot.com
x
Just read this- ugh that’s so shitty. You’ll power thru like a rockstar, I can tell. Sending you lots of love!
I so sorry to hear about that! Take care of yourself and don’t worry about blogging. We will all be here when you are recovered. Let me know if you need anything…
We’ve discussed this already and I know we’ll talk more about it. I just want to tell you that I think you’re AMAZING and that I am so, so, proud of you for sharing your story. You are a truly remarkable person.
I’m so sorry to hear that you need to have heart surgery. I can’t imagine the millions of thoughts that run through your mind. Best of luck with the surgery and recovery. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Hope everything goes well with your surgery! This world is definitely a better place with you in it! xo
<3
Hi Christin,
I’m a brand new reader and I know you don’t know me at all so I hope you are ok with me commenting on this. I’m so sorry to hear that you have to face this surgery. I can only imagine how scary and overwhelming this is for you and your family. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Please don’t hesitate to share your struggles with your readers because I know it is a good outlet and there is so much support waiting for you.
If you are away for a bit, please know you will be missed. You’ve got a fantastic blog here.
XO,Gina
… wow. I just saw this. I am so sorry. I am sure you are scared, but you seem to be a tough-ass chick and I am sure the doctors know what they are doing and you will be JUST fine. I can’t believe I missed this somehow, and I am thinking about you and praying that you’ll recover perfectly from the surgery. Hang in there.