Last night, while we were beside ourselves with the lack of television programming worth watching, we stumbled upon what could only be considered a weirdo goldmine. I have never seen more awkward shit in all of my days. For serious. The Virgin Diaries will make you wince, cover your face with a pillow, you may cry but you will surely laugh.
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Let’s be clear, I’m not about to make fun of virgins, however I will mock the hell out of some seriously awkward people that make me feel very nervous while watching them. Now, onto the good stuff.
Mr & Mrs top left had never kissed before. Not each other, not other people. They decided, because they believed that they should, not to kiss until their wedding day in front of an audience. This went as you would expect, times a factor of a million in awkwardness. I have never seen something that makes me scream and cover my eyes like this. I’d say I was more afraid of this than the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There was licking, and like fish kissing. It was horrible. You can watch it here but be warned.
Then we have Skippy on the bottom right who is a grown ass man that still lives with his mommy and has been collecting his belly button lint for 15 years. He takes his wing-mom to go trolling for women and is the most agressive guy ever. He met a girl at a party his friend threw so that maybe he could meet a girl and stop being so creepy. She came over to his [mother’s] house for their date. Wait…I’m confused, are we in high school? So they took their pizza and ate in awkward silence. But then, the big kicker, he had some guy come over and sing a song whilst Skippy tried to grab her boobs and she looked like she wanted to die. DIE. It was terrible. My prediction: Skippy will die a virgin.
There were five others on the show but meh, not as interesting. One 41-year-old woman who just “forgot” to ever have sex. A 32-year-old man who is terrified to have sex but is getting married in three days. A 33-year-old woman who is seriously holding a gun to her boyfriend’s head so that he’ll marry her because she’s beyond sexually frustrated. And two other girls that could very easily find love on a dating site.
I would personally file this under a show category like Teen Mom. The shows you watch and you’re instantly feeling better about your life.