If there is one thing I wish I would never have to partake in for the rest of my life, it would be public transportation.
I hate it.
Back home, I do not ever take public transportation. Mostly because it’s a) dirty, b) I saw someone get knifed once and c) I’m too good for it.
Which brings me to my current life situation; where I rely on massportation. Trust me, while allegedly “eco friendly” it is no way to live.
Last night on my way home from work, I caught the express train. Please note the use of express in the description of train. So, I’m on the express and one stop away from freedom, I mean…getting off the train. We come to an abrupt hault. Really, MTA? REALLY!?
And we wait…for literally five minutes, which trust me on the subway feels like 4 hours, for the stupid announcement, “we are being delayed because of train traffic ahead of us. we apologize for any inconvenience”. To which I shouted “BULLSHIT!!!” Okay, I didn’t shout, but I did throw a little tanrum.
Here is the issue “train traffic” as it were, doesn’t exist. Why? Because they know how many fucking trains they have. You mean to tell me some 5 trains were super sneaky and got onto the tracks without anyone knowing? Please.
So we wait longer. And now I’m looking around at the lovely ads; Greyhound & a plastic surgeon. Adding insult to injury are we? More shittastic public transportation and a cosmetic surgeon of such a high caliper that he advertises on the subway and has numerous ways to finance your procedures. I want to die. Not to mention, there was what I presume to be water drip, drip, dripping on the top of the train. Much like a ticking time bomb.
Five more minutes pass.
The conductor gets on the P.A. and says that because of an ill customer at 86th street the 6 trains are running like assholes and we’re all fucked.
Is this the FIRST time you’ve had a medical emergency? I think not, NYC. Get it together.
I prayed a lot last night. Mostly for a small fortune and a insanely successful comedy career because I swear , if I have to keep partaking in massportation, I’ll get home in a bad mood every night.
The water drops…I would have gone crazy. I’ll say a prayer for you at our All School Mass today-yeah, you read that right. I’d seriously buy a ticket to your comedy show. Get at me.
Ah so glad I don’t take public transportation. I’m pretty sure that if you throw us on stage with a couple of bottles of wine, we could bitch and make fun of people enought for it to turn into a show.
All of this. Just replace all references to NYC to Boston and massportation to MBTA. THIS IS MY LIFE. And this is why it takes me motherfucking 50 minutes to get to and from work. Drinks to this whole post.
same as alex. replace with DC.
but i don’t take the metro. i AM too good for it.
not really. i just have a 5 minute drive and i am also too good to walk.
[uphill both ways]
When I’m in NY we always pay for cabs even though it’s ridic expensive. I’m with you – masstransportaion is just wrong. All I can think is when King Kong comes and everyone and their dog is in the tunnel how the hell do they think they’re going to escape? No way. The Bart in San Fran is really nice though, but you only need it to get out of the city. But, I love my car and my open streets in my under-populated state. 🙂
Love the graphic! and the “I prayed a lot last night.” Like your style, lady.
You know what massportation is good for? Nights where no one wants to be the DD. Because God knows lots of those exist. Not worrying about drinking in driving is at the top of my list of things I love about Europe.
a girl i love you. needed some wittiness in my face tonight.
hence, your blog!
Haha – this post made me laugh. I can absolutely relate!! I’m in Chicago and sometimes public transportation can be a nightmare…I can’t imagine what it’s like in NYC!
Oh – Fancy That.
I hate it too. Would have gone crazy. No fun. Sorry dear.
Thanks for your sweet comment about my story on long distance loving! We are praying Kev doesnt have to go back soon too 🙂 This post is hilarious, I would be right there with you. And I love your gold stripes on the walls!
i used to live in a city where it was pretty common to have a car… there wasn’t a metro… and after 10 years of having my own car i left that city and now take the metro. i feel your pain. and nyc’s metro is disgusting. it always smells like pee and rats? why?!? i have never seen a rat on the tracks in montreal.
new york does need to get it together… but i love it anyway.
omg this makes me NOT miss public transportation. my life depended on it when I lived in Chicago but now that I’m in SF (and have a car) I’m glad my life doesn’t rely on the subway system.
i’ve never taken public transportation..ever! unless the busses between the disneyland parking lots and disneyland count! from your experience, i don’t think i’d ever want to!
i WISH we had mass transportation!!! i love ny for that!! come to california where no one knows how to drive, every drives 5 miles an hour during the rain, blogs the fast lanes, crashes constantly, and makes my life a living hell day in and day out from 20 mile commute.
UGH afreakingmen…i despise public transport..like..despise it.
I am pretty certain you could have a ridic amazing comedy career. But I’m with ya… public transpo is ridiculousness.
I agree, it’s probably a bad thing to have to deal with that on a daily basis.